Natasha David worked for me a number of years ago as Marketing Manager in a technology company where I was Managing Director. One morning I received a call… her husband had died and was in his late twenties. “I’m so, so sorry Tash… what happened?” an awkward silence followed. How do you talk about a loved one who commits suicide? How do you cope with the feelings of guilt about failing to save them or not being close enough to recognise what was about to happen? I felt paralysed but we did our best to give her all the space and time she needed to be able to manage.

Many questions and emotions swam around in my head in the months following this experience. Two years earlier in the same company where Natasha lost her husband, our Professional Services Manager lost his 20 year old son to Leukemia. There was a dramatic relapse just days from the twelve month anniversary of cancer treatment when he would be officially pronounced as being in remission. It was heart wrenching to witness let alone live through. We also supported him by removing all work pressure and providing complete flexibility on full pay for as long as he needed. Without any fuss, his team rallied and covered all work demands. He slowly re-joined work and we were able to tentatively talk about his son with him. There would be stilted conversations and tears but it was okay… all part of the process of creating a meaningful life without his beloved son as well as honoring his son’s memory.

For friends and colleagues, what is the boundary between showing care and prying into someone’s personal life when they suffer loss or are seeking to deal with their own demons of depression or other mental illness? Is the workplace somewhere the grieving person goes to escape or can it be a place of healing? Is the workplace where those with invisible disabilities come to hide and deny or can they be accepted and respected?

Suicide seems to be different… a social taboo with stigma attached to the death of a loved one. I never did manage to have a conversation with Natasha; just a few hugs and as much workplace support as I could provide. She withdrew and coped in her own way… I did the same when I lost my mother at 25 – it was at times a bleak lonely place. After losing her husband to suicide Natasha was pulled into a dark void and checked herself into hospital where she had a profound realisation that can save lives …

The Life Saving Truth: “Suicide only transfers the pain to everyone else.”

This is something we should all share with anyone we think is in a bad place with depression or other mental health issues. Natasha is one of the most courageous people I have met and she is about to publish her book, Marrying Bipolar. It provides amazing insight for anyone wanting to understand mental illness. Winston Churchill described depression as the black dog but it is far more complex than applying labels.

Natasha decided that if she was to push on, she would make it the best life she could live. She has done exactly that and her book will make a difference in many lives.

Natasha’s story shows the devastating impact for those around someone suffering from mental illness but what if you are directly managing or working with someone who has a mental illness? I’ve managed sales people for many years and I am sensitive to the tell-tale signs. I have a personal experience with mental illness as the son and then the business partner of a bi-polar father. Others in my family also suffer from mental illness but I thank God not my wife, children or me.

Professional selling is brutal… it is not for the faint-hearted. High levels of emotional intelligence (EQ), business acumen, strong work ethic and resilience are all essential. I’ve seen sales people battle through massive highs and devastating lows, damaging the very relationships they need to succeed, going troppo on drugs and alcohol, going missing for days until they emerge from their dark fog.

All this raises two important questions for sales leadership:

1. Does selling attract those who are inadequately equipped to cope with the demands of the role?
2. What can sales leaders do to help and manage those in their teams that suffer from a mental illness?

1. Does selling attract people who are poorly equipped psychologically?

The research has evidenced that mental illness does not discriminate by ethnicity, age, gender or career choice (Meadows, Farhall, Fossey, Grigg, McDermott & Singh, 2012). Throughout my professional career, the most common mental condition I have encountered in sales people is bi-polar. This term used to be identified as manic-depression and both are apt descriptions for the huge mood swings that can damage relationships with clients, staff and partners. On top of this they require persistent, consistent management therefore consuming disproportionate amounts of a manager’s time and energy. Although anyone with a disability – physical or mental – can be a productive and valued member of a team, they need to find the right job position, have a supportive manager and work environment.

The biggest mistake a manager can make is to hire the wrong person and the second biggest mistake they make is holding onto staff that need to be moved on.

This sounds very harsh but it’s a truth all managers must face. The best way to do so is with empathy and compassion in seeking to help people work in roles that best suit them. A lack of compassion combined with relentless pressure and judgment exacerbates the risks and highlights a sales manger’s poor values or interpersonal skills.

Selling is one of the toughest jobs; for anyone to sustain success they need the following attributes:

• Resilience: The ability to cope with rejection and disappointment amidst relentless pressure to perform and deliver results
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ): The ability to truly understand your personal strengths and weaknesses while being able to read people and politics
• Good work ethic: The discipline and ethos of doing what it takes rather than your best by committing the required time and energy in paying attention to every detail
• Curiosity and intelligence: Beyond being smart, this is also being obsessed about the customer’s world, how results can be delivered and how risks can be managed
• Insight and domain knowledge: Specialisation in an area that matters to the customer with you being able to provide genuine insight to the people who make decisions.

Track record, qualifications and work history are easy to validate. Every hiring manager needs to go beyond these and be clear about what defines a ‘cultural fit’ for sales people by evaluating candidates against the above criteria.

2. What can we do to fulfil our duty of care for those who are struggling?

Make no mistake; leadership carries a burden both morally and legally. We have a duty of care to those we employ and to those with whom we share our lives. We need to create person-centered cultures rather than toxic performance-based furnaces. I’ve written previously about two contrasting corporate cultures (love vs greed) and we need to create environments where work has purpose, value and respect for those around us.

A healthy workplace is a community where employees are valued members of a team rather than mere units of production. Where relationships are real and the corporate values play out in the positive behavior of the leaders.

We need to ask people if they are okay and really mean it. The best way to create a high performance culture is to be authentic about delivering value for clients and building relationships of trust and respect. Executing this requires leaders who are the real deal and able to rally people to their cause; yet becoming a great leader in an inside job rather than projecting a persona.

Capitalism without compassion is commerce without a soul. We all want to make a positive different in the lives of others but not everyone can be a winner who stands on the podium in first place. Great leaders embrace diversity and leverage individual strengths within teams. As a leader, seek balance and value individuals as people who have their own fears and shortcomings as they pursue their aspirations. Have the courage to talk with an employee or colleague about how they are really going with genuine empathy.

Ask ‘how are you going… really?’ Then listen like you’ve never listened before. Everyone needs to be heard. Everyone needs someone who cares and believes in them.

For more on this important topic, please read The Darker Side of Selling by my good friend Bernadette McClelland. She provides three examples of the unhealthy pressure and destructive behaviours that plague many sales environments.

Reference: Meadows, G., Farrell, J., Fossey, E., Grigg, M., McDermott, F., & Singh, B. (2012). Mental Health in Australia: Collaborative community practice (3rd ed.). South Melbourne, Australia: Oxford University Press.

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I then asked how he was travelling, and his response took me aback as he looked downward and mumbled, I’m not working now, my wife and I have separated, and my son has taken out an AVO against me. Wow. We went into a coffee shop and spoke for more than an hour. For many years he had been extremely successful in his sales career and from afar things looked wonderful, but after our conversation what I thought looked like a perfectly happy story was very different. From the outside I saw a beautiful family, successful career, grand home and slick car, however these possessions were masking a life of pressure, sadness, and despondency. After our conversation I said we must keep in more regular contact. And we tried. But we all know that life gets busy.

Happiness is perceived differently by different people. This article will reflect on the concept of authentic happiness, from the lens of salespeople and mental health. As sales leaders, we have a commitment to ensure our salespeople achieve in an environment that is nurturing, challenging and rewarding. To assist with this, I will be providing practical tips to assist.

Let’s begin with a definition from the World Health Organisation:

“Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual realises his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”

Mental health and wellness are critical issues for Australian society. Anxiety and depression rates continue to creep upwards. In 2018, 4.8 million Australians had a mental or behavioural condition, an increase from around 4.0 million Australians in 2015. 

According to PWC untreated mental health conditions cost Australian workplaces approximately $10.9 billion per year. This comprises $4.7 billion in absenteeism, $6.1 billion in presenteeism and $146 million in compensation claims. 

For a moment let’s review presenteeism, in short, presenteeism is “being present at work while sick”. The rise of mental health issues in the workplace has also fuelled the rise of presenteeism. It is true that mental health issues are, often, long term rather than short term. Once limited leave entitlements are fully utilised, an employee with long term mental health issues is really forced to attend the workplace or risk not being paid.

Greater than any economic cost is the tragic personal cost of death. The Australian Bureau of Statistics found that suicide rates in Australia increased by more than 9 per cent during the last reporting period. Suicide is an incredibly complex phenomenon. The circumstances that lead someone to think about suicide are never alike for two people. For instance, people who die due to self-harm are thought to have a significantly higher rate of mental illness — yet not everyone who takes their own life meets the definition of having a mental disorder. More than 3000 Australians end their lives each year — about 8 people a day.

Studies from the 1970s through to today have indicated that salespeople suffer mental health related issues above the norm. Very few professions suffer a greater prevalence, in fact the US National Survey on Drug Use and Health ranks the sales occupation in the top 10. So why, let’s turn to literature and the arts for more insights. 

The Wolf of Wall Street, Glengarry Glen Ross even the sitcom Modern Family all provide stereotypes of salespeople. However, for me the most poignant portrayal has been Willy Loman, the lead character in Arthur Miller’s classic play Death of a Salesman. 

As he enters his 60s, he has heavy debts, failing health, and strained relationships with his sons. He hasn’t accomplished very much in his life. When he loses his job, he’s forced to admit that he’s a failure, and he kills himself in a car accident.

When Death of a Salesman debuted on Broadway in 1949, audiences and critics praised it for depicting America’s Everyman, who chases the goal of great wealth but finds himself destroyed by that pursuit. Death of a Salesman received a very different response during its revival 50 years later. According to an article in The New York Times titled “Get That Man Some Prozac,” the director of the revived version sent the script to two psychiatrists, who diagnosed Loman as having a depressive disorder.

A quick scan of Academic Research – both peer and non-peer reviewed, presents interesting insights into mental health and salespeople. in the 1980s researchers looked at alcohol abuse in salespeople:  results of the research concluded that the cause of disproportionate alcoholism in salespeople was due to constant rejection, freedom to set work hours, work addiction and required on the job drinking.

Research conducted by the Canadian Health Alliance concluded that the top 3 reasons for mental health issues in salespeople were:

• Micro-Management by Leadership
• Missing Target
• Working with Demotivated Salespeople

Interestingly, the bottom response of the 15 items in the survey was: 

• Rejection or Client telling me “no” 

Sales is high pressure – business demands, industry changes and compliance all impact on the ability to achieve targets. In this respect the tools of Positive Psychology assist in enhancing mental wellness and resilience.
 
Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, developed five core elements of psychological well-being and happiness. Seligman believes that these five elements can help people work towards a life of fulfilment, happiness, and meaning, for those not familiar with the PERMA Model it is based on:

1. Positive Emotion
2. Engagement
3. Relationships
4. Meaning
5. Accomplishment

Positive Emotions help us in a myriad of ways, including being better able to tackle negative emotions or experiences when they arise. For positive emotions to be able to support us, we first need to ensure that our basic needs are met.

Basic need includes adequate food, water, shelter, and sleep. When these needs are met, we can then open ourselves up to exploring what can further fuel our positive emotions, such as intellectual and creative pursuits, relationships, and fulfilling work.

However, positive emotion is more than just ‘happiness’. There are a range of positive emotions, including amusement, hope, interest, joy, love, compassion, gratitude, and pride. Part of our capacity for experiencing positive emotions is genetic, but all of us can purposefully experience more positive emotion.

Rhonda Cornum US Army Officer, Gulf War POW and surgeon claims

“A measure of PERMA plus the trinity of physical health – physical, activity, nutrition and sleep – plus optimism builds resilience in people. PERMA plus optimism supports the “bounce back” from adversity that everybody needs to cope with normal life, let alone highly challenging events.” 

Activity:

1. Select a time in your future (e.g., 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now) and imagine that at that time you are expressing your best possible self strongly.

2. Imagine it in detail where you have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing your life goals and deepened your relationships. You might think of this as reaching your full potential, hitting an important milestone, or realizing one of your life dreams. The point is not to think of unrealistic fantasies, rather, things that are positive and attainable within reason.

3. After you have a clear image, write down three of the key details. Writing your best possible self-down helps to create a logical structure for the future and can help you move from the realm of foggy ideas and fragmented thoughts to concrete, real possibilities.

Critical to a healthy and authentically happy sales career is developing resilience. If you stop and think about sales it is an unrelenting expectation to perform at a high level all the time. It is our responsibility as sales leaders to start the discussion about mental health – an honest conversation with our sales team about what challenges we’ve had and sharing ways we’ve learned to overcome them throughout our career.

Even though the discussion around mental health has become less taboo in society, a salesperson will often still feel embarrassed talking about their mental health struggles in the workplace. As sales leaders we need to start the conversation and create a culture where it’s comfortable to openly talk about mental health. This is a valuable coaching opportunity and involves more asking than telling and more listening than talking. My former colleague, Christopher McColm, once wrote:

The support network I have here is beyond anything I would expect from any company. Not only am I surrounded by people who understand, they also actively support and console me through good times and the bad.

Not everyone thrives as a salesperson. Not everyone can thrive. And not everyone thrives all the time. We must first stop regarding salespeople as unfailingly resilient. That’s a harmful myth. We must acknowledge that significant emotional strains and hazards that accompany selling and understand that they carry deleterious mental health risks for high producers and low producers alike. No one is immune. We should care enough to learn and recognise the warning signs.

Activity:

a. Authentically Happy Journaling Every night for a week, before you go to bed, write down three things that went well during your day. They can be relatively simple (“I had a great sandwich for lunch”) or more substantial (“I ran my first marathon”). Next to each one, write why that good thing happened (“I turned off the TV and went for a walk”). The act of recording the good things in life is a concrete way to make positive thinking a regular part of your schedule and to recognize your own role in making good things happen.

b. Using apps like Headspace to improve mindfulness.

c. Walking – my happy and healthy place, it improves self-perception and self-esteem, mood and sleep quality, and it reduces stress, anxiety and fatigue. Physically active people have up to a 30% reduced risk of becoming depressed and staying active helps those who are depressed recover.

Let me finish where I started. I recently caught up with my old friend for dinner. He and his wife have been to counselling and are back together, it is early days, but the signs are positive. He has a new role, is loving it and has a boss who is very understanding and supportive. In fact, he is working 4 days a week to maintain focus and balance. And finally, his son, this is a longer journey, but they are talking. They are seeing a counsellor together and what was looking like a very destructive relationship is showing signs of hope.

I asked my mate if he was happy, his answer was that happiness for him has been completely redefined. He is appreciating the moments, living in the now and taking care of himself physically and mentally. As for everything else, he has accepted what Alain de Botton refers to as Status Anxiety and instead of stressing about the more, he is content with what he has today.

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